Saturday, 06 June 2020
Englishman in Dubrovnik Englishman in Dubrovnik

Coronavirus reality: I’ve eaten six times and slept four times and it is still today

By  Apr 04, 2020

Will it finally come to an end at the beginning of June? Should we listen to Trump and get ready for an Easter together? Or the voices of doom that can’t see any light on the horizon before Christmas? Trying to follow the news, especially filtering out some kind of end date for coronavirus is like swimming in treacle. The date swings from wildly optimistic to we’re all going to die. Although clearly some people are immune (sorry about the pun) to the virus and its affects.

Just this morning I received an email from a reader of The Dubrovnik Times in England. His question shocked me. “Good morning! I have a holiday booked on the 18th of April to come over to Dubrovnik. I hear the airport is shut, is this true?” read the first message. I really didn’t know how to answer. In two weeks’ time this English tourist thought he would be strolling along the Stradun, sipping coffee in Gradska Kavana and squeezing into a packed cable car. I answered “The airport is closed but will open again on the 14th of April. But we are in total shutdown. If you come, you’ll be in quarantine for two weeks.” I hoped he would get the message. His reply “Ok thanks for the reply. The reason I am coming is to visit the Game of Thrones scenes, I take it that is all closed?” He was planning to fly with EasyJet, who had just the day before announced that they had grounded their whole fleet. I noticed the EasyJet news because it was squeezed between two strange headlines on the BBC – Drink vodka to poison the virus says Belarus President – and my favourite - A man teaching his dog to drive was arrested after high speed chase.




So how are you enjoying your lockdown? With all the people at home and cooking more and more I saw a comment the other day that made me laugh – we are currently all in an episode of Master Chef and when it ends we’ll all need to go on The Biggest Loser. Eating sleeping, eating and sleeping. A friend said to me the other day, “I’ve eaten six times and slept four times and it is still today.”

Just the other night my wife and I were watching TV, this was before the clocks went forward, in the evening and agreed to go to bed and watch TV there, it was around 8.00pm. Of course as our heads hit the pillows we fell asleep immediately. At one point I awoke. The curtains were slightly open and what appeared like a dawn light was shining through the windows. I heard my wife stir from her asleep. “Are you awake?” I asked. Which is always a dumb question to ask because if they are asleep they can’t answer. “Yes, just” she whispered. “What time is it?” she asked. “I guess around 4 or 5” I answered, judging by the light. We both agreed to stay in bed for another hour and then get up.

We both felt refreshed from our long night’s sleep. “But what time is it really?” my wife asked. I fumbled in the half-light for my mobile. “Oh my God! I don’t believe it,” I screamed. “What’s wrong?” came her startled reply. “It isn’t 4 o’clock or even 5 o’clock…it isn’t even tomorrow…it’s bloody 9.50!!” I couldn’t believe it. We had gone to bed and woken up in the same day feeling refreshed and ready to go. I would have probably started making breakfast and my wife cooking the coffee if I hadn’t looked at my mobile. The dawn like brightness from outside was actually dusk of the same bloody day! Unbelievable.

Self-quarantine, or as my niece calls it “a holiday at home,” is causing havoc with our sleep patterns. Whether it is over in 2 months or 2 years we are going to need to seriously change our sleep patterns. So enjoy your hibernation and see you all for a coffee on the Stradun soon…when, no one knows.

The Voice of Dubrovnik


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