I am proud that I am not normal - who wants to be normal?

Written by Gillie Sutherland Apr 10, 2023

"You are not normal!"

I hear this a lot, mainly as a result of some of my slightly unusual behaviours like plunging myself in cold water, dancing under the full moon, and getting excited about the cormorants I watch by the sea each morning.

Mostly it’s meant in jest and with good intentions, but of course, every now and again, I know it’s because I’m just very different to the person observing me.

It doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

“What’s normal to the spider is chaos to the fly”, I remind myself.

They just don’t understand me, because I live a life that’s different to theirs, and if they haven’t ever tried it, then I guess they wouldn’t understand.

I learned years ago (the benefit of getting older, for sure), to discard the opinion of most people.

One of the great teachers of this time, Brene Brown, shared a technique once that really changed everything for me.

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The idea is that you write down on the back of a business card the names of people whose opinion you really value, people doing things you admire, those with integrity perhaps, living a noble life. Or someone you love but also respect.

In most cases, the list is around five names.

Then each time someone judges you, you check in whether that person’s name is on the list, and if it isn’t, then you discard the feedback.

No need to explain or justify anymore. Just let it be. It doesn’t matter.

It’s come in useful over the years, especially when travelling or like now, having relocated to another country.

For sure, I’m living a life that most won’t understand. And that’s ok. The 9-5 job isn’t for me, nor is staying out all night and missing the light and joy of the next day, or never travelling anywhere. I’ve chosen my life as it is, but I’m not forcing it on anyone else either.

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It just so happened that amongst the tribe I found here in Zadar, there are others just like me, and I feel normal.

People who didn’t follow the normal template of life, either through choice, or because they didn’t have the normal start in life that others did. Many have had to adapt, to find a way of life that works for them.

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I’ve learned never to question or judge because the back story to how someone has ended up where they are today is not always easy to explain to those who haven’t ever known any different.

What’s also interesting is that this group of “not normal” people isn’t exclusive to digital nomads, or imports like me. There are locals too who haven’t felt like they ever fitted in; they have felt included in our ever-growing little tribe.

It seems there are people everywhere seeking belonging and connection, but it’s been challenging for them as they couldn’t be put in a box. I think it’s a relief to find like-minded souls doing crazy stuff together that others wouldn’t understand.

For me, these are my favourite people.

What is “normal” anyway?

The definition is actually “conforming to a standard; usual, typical or expected”.

That holds no interest to me as a way to live. Although that’s just me.

Give me the misfits any day. These are the ones pushing the boundaries of convention, leading an authentic existence, and they just seem happier overall with this sense of freedom.

I am reminded of a quote Dean Kuchel, one of the trailblazers of the digital nomad movement, shared when he visited us in Zadar last winter and watched us jump in the sea one chilly morning.

The quote was from Steve Jobs:

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes ... the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. ... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things. ... They push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do."

Or as I put it, when someone criticises me for not being normal:

“F**k normal!”.